


Wanting to be With You (On the Outside Looking In)

by Tahlruil



Series: Loving You Is Easy (It's Life That's Hard) [8]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, lab accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 14:52:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11602914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tahlruil/pseuds/Tahlruil
Summary: A friendly poker game is interrupted by a phone call, and things won't ever be the same again.For the 'watching helplessly' prompt.





	Wanting to be With You (On the Outside Looking In)

**Author's Note:**

> So here is the thing I talked about in the A/N of my last fic for this series. ^.^; Enjoy?
> 
> Yell at me in the comments, if you'd like. Any comment at all is greatly appreciated. <3

Steve had only really hung out with Natasha Romanov a few times. She was Pepper’s friend, not his… but at the ‘Guys Suck’ outing eight months ago, she and Bucky had taken a shine to each other. So some days, spending time with his best friend meant seeing Natasha too.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like her - she was pretty interesting, if occasionally way too intense for his tastes. She also cheated outrageously at cards. Nat was so good that she didn’t even deny it. She would just smile a shark’s smile, lean back in her chair and challenge him to prove it. Then Bucky would laugh and try cheating himself for a few rounds. He wasn’t nearly as good, so he would cheerfully swear at ‘Tasha’ when she called him out on it.

“I’m never playing cards with either of you ever again. No good filthy rotten cheaters, the pair of you.”

“Awww, Stevie… come on. Also, you say that every time. Don’t pretend you don’t enjoy poker with us.” Steve fought the smile that wanted to break free, feeling his lips twitch with the effort.

“Well I mean it this time! Either we spend our time playing pool from now on or we find a couple more players so I can win against _someone_. And even if we do get more people, I still want to play pool sometimes. I’m tired of you two robbing me blind.”

“I know some people,” Nat offered, a glint in her eyes. “A couple of them might be interested. Though we’d have to play darts sometimes too.”

“I’d be up for that.” Bucky agreed, and Steve groaned at the light of competition that had entered his best friend’s face.

“Sam and Maria’d probably join if if we asked. That’d be enough to make poker more interesting, even if none of you chumps could hope to beat me at pool.”

“Yes Stevie, we know. You’re a master of pool.” The sarcasm in Bucky’s voice was just hurtful. “Undefeated champion, blah blah blah. He’s like a yappy dog when it comes to pool, Tasha. We probably shouldn’t even agree to play with him.”

Before anyone could answer, Steve’s phone began to ring. It was Tony’s ringtone, so he ignored Bucky and Nat’s heckling to answer it immediately. “Hey sweetheart,” he greeted warmly as he leaned back in his chair. “Miss me already?”

“Steve.” That was Pepper’s voice, not Tony’s, and a horrible feeling settled in his gut.

“Hey Pepper. I was expecting… I mean you showed up as Tony’s… why are you… do you have Tony’s phone?” Natasha had sat up straight as soon as she heard Pepper’s name, where Bucky had reacted Steve’s babble and the panic slowly creeping into his voice. “Why do you have his cell, Pepper?”

“Steve, I need you to stay calm.” The small tremble in her voice betrayed her own feelings, and a sense of doom washed over him. There was an accident-” Steve stood abruptly, knocking over the bottles on the table and his chair.

“What do you mean an accident? Pepper what happened?” Bucky was standing now too, but Steve couldn’t process the emotion on his face. Everything was starting to go fuzzy around the edges, unreality blurring his mind like a fog.

“There was an accident,” she repeated before dragging in a ragged breath. “An accident in one of the labs at SI.”

“Wha… what?” Steve felt his body go numb, and he would have fallen to his knees if it wasn’t for Bucky wrapping his arms around him. “What happened? Pepper, where’s Tony? He can’t be… he’s fine, right? Put him on the phone please, because he’s fine, just dealing with… with whatever happened.”

“Steve-”

“Put him on the phone, Pepper!” The hysteria in his voice had turned to sharp anger, and he felt Bucky’s arms tighten around him. He remembered another call, one just like this. ‘There’s been an accident… one of the humvees… missing… so sorry.” Calls like this were life altering, destructive in the extreme… and Steve didn’t want to believe he was getting one about _Tony_. Not when they were finally getting to such a good place. Not when things were settling into a new normal and Pepper and JARVIS were on the edge of forgiving him. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair and so it couldn’t be happening. Not to Tony.

“I can’t Steve!” Pepper shouted in return, voice breaking under the strain. “I… I can’t. He’s going into surgery now.” She was crying, Steve could tell that much. She was crying because Tony had been hurt and he was in the hospital having surgery and oh God. Tony was having surgery and he… he…

“Stevie I need you to _breathe_ ,” Bucky urged into his ear, sounding distressed. That brought the fact that he wasn’t, not really, to his attention. His chest was heaving rapidly, but he wasn’t getting enough air. He couldn’t breathe, just like Tony might not be able to and God why was this happening?

The phone was plucked from his nerveless fingers, and he didn’t have it in him to fight it. Distantly, over Bucky’s steady but insistant coaching to get air into his lungs, he heard Nat’s voice. She was talking to Pepper now, which was good because Steve wasn’t sure he could form words just then. Suddenly there was an inhaler pressed to his lips, and Steve’s instincts kicked in enough that he could use it. By the time he was able to breathe and almost think again, Nat had hung up the phone. She moved to stand in front of him and reached out to gently cup his cheek.

“I’m sorry, Steve. Pepper told me which hospital they’re at. Do you want me to drive you and Bucky there?”

“Please.” Bucky half-carried Steve to Nat’s car, and then they were speeding towards the hospital.

To Tony.

~.~.~

Steve had seen Tony hurt before - science had the potential to be very dangerous, according to his boyfriend. And when both your hobbies and your work revolved around robotics and engineering, the danger only increased. So he’d seen Tony bruised and scraped up, with sprained limbs and burns. There’d even been a broken finger once that had let to a miserable and memorable six weeks.

Tony hooked up to beeping machines with IV’s in his arms was something he’d never seen before. It was something he never wanted to see again.

Pepper was at least allowed _in_ the room. It was hard not to be jealous of her when he saw how she got to hold Tony’s hand and stroke gentle fingers over his brow. Steve was apparently lucky to be in the ICU at all - only Pepper’s insistence had secured him the right to have a few minutes of watching Tony through a window. He was relegated to the hallway, where he couldn’t touch or talk to his boyfriend… but Pepper could.

Pepper was on the paperwork along with Rhodey. They could visit all they wanted.

Steve was barely allowed in the hallway.

Part of him was grateful that Tony seemed to be unconscious. The pain would be bad for a while, and he didn’t want Tony to have to feel every second of it. Besides, when he woke up Steve wouldn’t be there. No matter how much he wanted to, Steve couldn’t get into that room to be there for Tony. Once Tony realized Steve wouldn’t be coming, he’d probably be devastated.

A fresh round of tears came to his puffy, aching eyes as the thought tormented him. God, he hoped Tony would mostly sleep until they moved him out of the ICU. Once that happened, Steve would have a lot more access, and he swore the security guards would have to drag him out of Tony’s room when visiting hours were done.

For now even Pepper could only stay for periods of 10 minutes. When her time was up, she quietly exited the room and fell into step with Steve to leave the unit. The silence between them was awkward and loaded - he made no move to break it. Maybe it was irrational, but part of him blamed Pep for his inability to sit with Tony. She could have fought harder, could have found a way to get him permission. Tony and Steve’s relationship was well documented, after all, and he was sure that if Pepper had focused on that and pushed just a little harder, he could have held Tony’s hand. But once he was allowed to look through the window, she’d stopped fighting. She’d just nodded with a satisfied look on her face, then gone to hold Tony’s hand herself.

Natasha had apparently left, but Bucky was still in the waiting room when he and Pepper arrived. He stood the moment he saw them, striding over to pull Steve into a tight hug. Steve hid his leaking eyes in Bucky’s shoulder, clinging to his best friend like a lifeline. After only a little while though, Bucky pulled away to give Pepper a hug as well. Once he let go, they all took a seat with Bucky in the middle and his arms draped over both their shoulders.

“How is he?” Steve could only shake his head, but Pepper was able to answer in a wobbly voice.

“They got all the glass out. Most of the cuts weren’t very deep, but there were a few that…” She paused to gather herself, then soldiered on. “He missed losing his left eye by a few inches. Why he never wears safety glasses I don’t-” Another pause, one that had Steve reaching across Bucky’s lap to take her hand. “Some of the bigger pieces went deeper, and there’s some… there’s a few chemical burns. They got him to the emergency shower quick enough to keep it from being extensive, thank God. He lost… he lost a lot of blood too. But he’s going to be fine. They want to keep him in ICU for a few days, just to make sure his condition has really stabilized.”

Steve’s fingers tightened around Pepper’s, and she sent him a small, tired smile. Buck had relaxed just a little after the report, and Steve wished he could be so easily reassured. “Alright. The fact that he’s going to be okay is what’s important. Right Stevie?”

“... yeah.” Bucky was right, so he sat a little straighter, drawing strength from his best friend. “He’s going to be fine. And he’ll be on a regular floor soon and I’ll be able to visit him.” Having witnessed most of Steve’s disagreement with the hospital staff, Bucky hugged his shoulders a little tighter, drawing Steve against his side. Pepper, however, had the tiniest bit of a frown on her face. “I will be able to visit… won’t I Pepper?”

“Of course. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go make a call to Rhodey. You both should go home, get some sleep. I’ll call you if anything changes Steve.” If Tony hadn’t been in the ICU, Steve would never have agreed to that mild mannered suggestion. But he couldn’t see Tony until his boyfriend was moved to another floor, so staying was an exercise in futility. He let Bucky lead him out of the hospital and load him into a cab.

They both went to Stark Tower that night. A clearly shaken JARVIS returned to calling him ‘Steven’ and answered his every request swiftly and with no tricks. Before, Steve would have given a lot to make things completely right with the AI… but having it happen like this only made his chest ache.

Even though Tony wouldn’t need it for a while, Steve packed a bag to take to the hospital for him. Tony’s favorite comfy pajamas went in, as well as his favorite ‘funny’ t-shirts and a pair of loose jeans. Tony’s tablet and a few books were next, then a couple packages of his favorite sugary snacks. Tony would appreciate getting all of it, once he was allowed to deliver it. And it was good to have something to do with his hands, something to focus on.

Bucky made them a late night snack in the meantime, and Steve was incredibly grateful to have him there. They snuggled on the couch as they ate, watching some mindless TV. When they went to bed, it was in one of the guest rooms. Steve couldn’t stand the thought of trying to sleep in his and Tony’s room without Tony there. Since his best friend was a mother hen, he insisted on sleeping in the same bed in case Steve needed him, like he had sometimes when they were younger.

It reminded him of all the sleepovers they’d had as kids, back before they’d known how hard life could be. He remembered all the times they’d been there for each other, the times they’d leaned on one another for support.

When everything else went to shit, it was nice to know that he still had Bucky Barnes.

~.~.~

Tony didn’t get moved until five days after the accident. It happened early in the morning, before visiting hours, so Steve couldn’t have been there during the transfer. In fact, he didn’t even find out about it until late in the afternoon. He wanted to be furious with the hospital, with _Pepper_ , for shutting him out… but he was too busy being scared.

This accident and its aftermath had made him realize something that terrified him. Two names on a piece of paper, a piece of paper without _his_ name, had kept him from seeing Tony. He hadn’t been able to be there for him the way he should have been, the way he wanted to be.

If something like this happened again - or God forbid something worse - Steve would be locked out once more. Steve wouldn’t be allowed to see Tony. He wouldn’t be able to participate in making decisions about Tony’s health, treatment or future care. He’d have no say, no rights. Even though they were in love, despite sharing a home and their lives… legally, they might as well be nothing. Steve wouldn’t be able to do anything but watch. He’d be helpless, unable to fight for what was best for Tony just like he had been after this accident.

Steve didn’t like being helpless. It scared him almost as much as seeing Tony laying motionless on a hospital bed.

So while he wanted to be angry with Pepper, he was too full of other emotions to be able to think about it. Fear was still the strongest, but when he got to sit down next to Tony and carefully took his hand, relief swelled within him. Then Tony started to wake up from his drug-assisted nap, and Steve found himself crying once more.

When big beautiful brown eyes opened, Steve let out a strangled sob. “ _Tony_. Oh thank God…”

“Steve,” Tony breathed, sounding more joyful than the situation warranted. “You’re here.”

“Always. I’ll always be here,” he promised them both before leaning in to brush his lips over Tony’s temple. “I love you so much sweetheart. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Love you too. Stay?”

“Yeah. I’ll stay for as long as I can.”

Later, Pepper intimidated the hospital staff into letting him stay the night. Steve decided maybe he wasn’t so angry with her after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if the ICU visitation rules presented here are completely accurate - I looked at them for a couple different hospitals and tried to come as close as I could to reality for the purposes of the fic. So yeah. XD
> 
> Visit me on my [Tumblr](http://tahlreth.tumblr.com/), if you are so inclined. :D


End file.
